Thoughts on Starting a Small Business 2

   This has been an interesting month for sure! I am very thankful and excited as I see God using this new business endeavor to work on my character and challenge me in new ways. I have to admit that it hasn't been easy, but it has been so positive, and there are three specific things I'd like to highlight in this post.

   1) I have seen a running pattern of weaknesses that God has been dealing with in me these last few years: poor communication, procrastination, and lack of discipline. When we started the process of making Marvin a permanent resident of the United States, I kicked and screamed over my part in the process. I hated talking on the phone, and I very much dis-liked all of the paperwork I had to fill out. It was frustrating to me how months could be lost in the process on a small mistake. We never received some important notifications via mail due to the poor mailing system in Honduras, and I was the type to just keep waiting and waiting instead of proactively find a solution. When Joel was born, however, I realized that if I wasn't disciplined and didn't get over my insecurities when it came to contacting people, there could be serious consequences for him in the timing of the surgeries. I became disciplined and no longer procrastinated, but often times, I still kicked and screamed. I have been so humbled this past year when, at times, after bad attitudes on my part towards our insurance company and all of the "inconveniences" I felt I had to go through to get Joel's medical care covered, I have been hit by the realization of how thankful I should be for such great provision and grace for us. Slowly, my attitude has changed towards the paperwork I do from an attitude of dragging my feet to a realization that I don't deserve this, and it is the least I could do. So, starting this small Mary Kay business has stretched me even more in all of these areas! I am going to have to make the very communication I previously felt was so uncomfortable a normal part of my life. I am going to have to learn to be disciplined and not procrastinate. And I really am so thankful that God is helping me to start growing in these areas that I have done so poor in!

   2) I see a root of insecurity and fear of man in my heart that needs to be uprooted. In my previous post, I mentioned how I was struggling with feeling rejection and thinking people didn't see me as a valued person in a few experiences I had. Yes, I am learning to see people from a different perspective and encourage others in their own endeavors, but at the same time, I am realizing very quickly that I am big part of the problem! I need to be at complete peace and offer the service I have with my whole heart! I am looking to serve my husband and my family through this endeavor. I am also looking to serve the women that will become my customers, but ultimately, I want to serve God in this endeavor! I understand that if someone says no or not now to me or isn't interested in what I offer, that is not a rejection of me, and I can feel confident to keep offering around without fear! If someone truly does reject me or treat me bad as a person, I know that He was treated much worst when he didn't deserve it, and I can keep on going! But really, I have to feel completely confident that what I have to offer is special and valued by my Creator, and He is the One who knows and can lead me to the people He wants to bless through me and use to bless my family, and as I knock on doors, some will be closed and others opened, and that is completely okay! I need to be in the habit of faithfully taking this to Him daily and asking Him to be the guide of everything I do. I need to keep trusting Him, finding my identity in Him, and doing everything I do in this business with great love. He is my source. He is my Shepherd. He is my everything, and I am excited to grow in my identity with Him!

   3) To go along with the last point, I am so excited to learn how to let Him permeate and be the motor of this small business! There is such a conflict in my mind between serving Him and living in the career-focused world around us. It is hard for me to understand how to sell successfully in a way to honor Him completely. This business cannot become an idol or it has to go. Money cannot be the motor of what I do. I cannot use and abuse people around me through sales to rise up my own ladder of success. Serving the Lord, being faithful to Him, and sharing His gospel must be the motor and the focus. I must continue my learning process of being a servant through this. I want to learn how to be Christ's disciple, and I know that just as I struggle with laying down my life and my pride daily in all other areas of life, I will struggle in this area too. However, I pray and hope that I will learn to lay myself down through this business and see this only as a tool to glorify my Creator.

   If you think of me this week, please pray for me that I will honor the Lord and His character will grow in me through my Mary Kay business!