Eventful Travels...

I was reminded once again that only in God can we truly be secure. Last week we took a family trip to Guatemala with Kara, Catherine, my parents, Marvin and I. Hailey flew down to meet us and surprise Kara! It was her first time and my parents' first time to see where Kara and Luis live.

We decided to drive in our car instead of take the 14-hour bus trip. We would save about 5 or 6 hours by car due to some "lay-overs" that the bus takes. Our 2007 car seemed pretty dependable for a trip like that. We've been traveling all over with that car in fact.

That week we had spent a lot of time remembering and talking about Josh and Natalie and the whole crew that took this same trip to Guatemala in 2003. My parents had never been to Guatemala after (or even before) the trauma that happened on that trip years ago. As we drove along laughing, talking, sleeping, eating, I imagined how unsuspecting they must have been at that time of the danger that awaited them. You never really know what bumps and potholes await you ahead on the road of life until you feel and experience them. I imagined how sudden, how horrific, how traumatic it must have been to have their car, in the middle of the day, hijacked, their dear friend and leader murdered, to be tied up, robbed, and left on the side of the road, among other traumatic aspects of the whole situation. I know there is a lot we will never understand, but there is so much I understand now that I didn't understand at age 13. How I wish I would have understood at that time what a great trauma my sister was dealing with. I still deal with grief so many years later over the realization that I didn't help her and support her like I could have at the time. This is something I really struggle with forgiving myself about. I've never ever felt that Natalie has harbored any grudge against me, but I have wondered at times how she could have forgiven me for not being there for her during such a dark time in her life. I know she has forgiven me. I remember a couple times when Natalie came running into my room in the middle of the night and slept on my floor. She was terrified. My heart breaks to remember this. I wish now that I would have thought at the time to invite her to share a room with me, so that she wouldn't have had to be alone so much. I know there were times when I did cry with Natalie, when I did talk to her, listen to her, pray for her, but these things are such vague memories to me. Maybe it is human-nature to remember the negative things more than the positive. What really sticks out to me in my mind are the bad things. I remember so clearly feeling so angry at the situation, angry at my mom, angry even at Natalie at times. I can't believe I could have been so self-centered and blind or maybe I can. The depravity of man can't be argued with. I just wish I hadn't been. I felt angry at the lack of attention that was given to me during that time, angry that we had to move to the States for an undefined amount of time-I hated going to the States at that point in my life, even angry at what my family was going through. I don't really remember feeling convicted about those feelings at the time. In fact, it was a process of repentance, and I'm not really sure when it happened or when I realized. I just know that my heart came to a point of brokenness and grief years ago that I still deal with at times. I still cry when I remember, and it is not really like me to cry over memories of the past.

These are some of the things that were going on in my heart as we took this trip to Guatemala. Violence is so real when it has somehow touched your life. I felt a little nervous about driving to Guatemala city-not that the rate of violence isn't high in Honduras too. I don't live my life in fear, but I do believe that it is important to be wise. I had planned that we would drive directly to the Seminary where Luis and Kara live, leave the car parked there, and use public transportation the rest of the trip. We were all talking about ways to be safe and cautious and some of our precautions included: not stopping a lot, not telling people where we were going and maybe even hiding some money under the seats in the car. Well...all of our plans were changed when we ended up breaking down right at the Honduras/Guatemala border. The alternator in the car that allows the battery to charge had stopped working, and the battery had died. For all the connections my husband seems to have all over Honduras, we had no one we could call for help there. Praise the Lord that Marvin was with us though. After talking to several men, he ended up taking a taxi to a shop nearby with the battery and was back after about an hour with the battery charged. Everyone at Honduran immigration had found out that we were stranded with a dead battery. We knew we had to get the car to a mechanic as quick as possible before the battery died again, but thought we had a couple hours. As we crossed the border into Guatemala, we were stopped and told (by Honduran officials) that we couldn't even take the car into Guatemala. Despite the fact that Marvin had all the car's paperwork and title with us, he has not transferred the title to his name yet and was told that he could not take it into the country. Finally, after talking and waiting, he was told to go ahead and try and see what the Guatemalan officials at immigration said. They didn't ask a thing about the car when we arrived at immigration. The battery did NOT last a couple of hours. We drove probably about 10 more minutes, and the battery died again!! The mechanic was about another 10 minutes away, and we groaned a little. God was watching out for us though. Within 2 minutes (I'm not exaggerating!), Marvin had found a Guatemalan man by the name of Deglin who spent two days helping us with our dilemma! Marvin drove off in a random car with this random man to find the mechanic, and the rest of us waited about 10-15 minutes until he returned with a new battery that the mechanic had loaned him to be able to arrive to the shop. After waiting another four hours (it was 4pm at this point) while they worked on the car and charged the battery, Dad finally decided that it was time for the women to take a bus and head to Guatemala City. We opened up our luggage and grabbed the few items we'd need for that night. Everyone at the little workshop saw all of our luggage, saw us, knew we were stranded and to what city we were going. Dad and Marvin didn't make it to the city until the next day (Deglin was their guide the next day as well), but the four of us girls piled into Deglin's little car and headed to the bus station. We had to trust and depend on a complete stranger. Throughout this whole trip I had this deep sense of the reality that we can truly only depend on God to keep us safe. All our plans and all of our precautions just fell through. After getting on the bus, what should have been a 5 hour trip, ended up taking about 6 1/2 hours due to mudslides and traffic. We arrived exhausted, but so happy to be there and so happy to see our dear Hailey! Our trip which should have taken us 8-9 hours, ended up taking about 17 1/2 hours!

The whole day I reflected on God's sovereignty. We make our plans, but He has the final word. Psalms 125:2 says: "As the mountains surround Jerusalem, so the Lord surrounds his people both now and forevermore." No one can touch us without going through Him. And we know that in all things, good or bad, He works for the good for those who love him and are called according to His purpose. I was struck by the fact that we were so vulnerable and helpless when we were stranded, with no one we knew, no car and nothing to fall back on. We try to be so self-sufficient sometimes, but what it all boils down to is that we can do nothing without Him.

Our time in Guatemala was wonderful. What a blessing to be with family, although we really missed Natalie, Josh, Nadia and Peter! We enjoyed a trip to one of Guatemala City's beautiful malls, a day in Antigua, a tour of the Presidential palace, and, most of all, lots of family time. We enjoyed playing salad bowl, having deep conversations and simply just being together. Our adventures hadn't ended yet though.

Tuesday afternoon Marvin and I headed back to Honduras. Our plan this time was to go all the way to Honduras and stay in El Progreso for the night before I took my flight from San Pedro Sula to the States the next morning. Well...we again had trouble at the border, but this time it wasn't the car, it was something much greater: nature. It had been raining a lot in the country and due to flooding, the bridge we had to cross before crossing the border could not be crossed. It wasn't raining at this point, so I felt very hopeful that the flooding would go down by the morning so that we could still make it safely and on time to the airport. We stayed at a local hotel, and got up early in the morning to try to cross the bridge. It was five in the morning, and there was still no crossing. After waiting about an hour or two, we saw some people starting to wade in the water across this long bridge. The flooding had gone down a lot, and the water was several inches beneath their knees at this point. There was a little group of people on the other side, but we really couldn't see what was going on. We started to talk about the possibility of crossing by foot and finding a bus for me to take to the airport. I hated the thought of leaving Marvin stranded with the car in Guatemala, but we really had no choice. We waded the water to the other side of the bridge. We immediately saw the real problem. It wasn't just the bridge that could not be crossed, but the approach up to the bridge was completely washed away!! A 4-5 feet gap between the road and bridge stood between us and my ride to the airport, with a raging river flowing furiously through it. By this point, though, Marvin had met a man who was also trying to get to the airport with some ladies to pick up his niece who was flying in from the States. This guy came up with the possibility of crossing and hiring someone to take us directly to the airport. I still had about 3 1/2 hours until I needed to be there, and the airport was about 2 hours away. We waited and waited, hoping someone on the other side would come up with a way to allow people to cross. Finally, about an 1 1/2 hours later, someone threw a big, thick plank across the gap so that people could start crossing. Some firemen had shown up by that point and started helping people get to the other side. The river was furious. It had flooded homes and fields. We could even see roofs and barbed wire fences sticking out of huge flooded areas. I said bye to my dear love, and headed on without him. I made it to the airport in the nick of time. I couldn't help but think as I waited to board the plane, my pants still wet from crossing the bridge, that so often we see people and have no clue where they are coming from or what they have just been through. No one had a clue how hard making it to the airport had been for me! "Weary traveler" never rang so true to me.

Here I am in the States now. It is good to be with family, although I miss my dear husband. All of this has happened in a week and a half, and I can't help but look back and laugh a little. Life is full of lessons, some easy and some hard. One of the things I have really come away with after these past trips is a reminder that God is truly in control. We so often try to micro-manage and control our lives by our agendas, plans, routines, and traditions, but I am once more aware of how small we are and how great He is. When our plans are totally interrupted, all we can do is lean on and trust in Him and His greater plan. We can protect ourselves with walls, alarm systems, firearms, police, body guards, and locks, but when all of that is stripped away, it is truly only Him we can run to, it is truly only Him we can trust in-for good or for bad, and it is truly only Him who we can depend on. May we truly learn to do so.